|
|
08.02.03 ~ Fragments and Insecurity A completely non-cohesive entry topped off with a little angst In no particular order, here are a few of the moments and impressions that for whatever reason stick out in my memory of the past few days: +++++ I have realized, once again, that there is just no end to human stupidity, incompetence, rudeness or petty cruelty. A story I heard a few days ago, a guy who honked at me while I was turning into traffic on my way home, a court clerk who just could not be organized to save her life, and one or two of my researchers all aided in this minor epiphany. Not that it's a great discovery, I know, but for some reason I will persist in having a relatively high opinion of humanity in general most of the time. I'm setting myself up to be disappointed, it seems. What else is new? +++++ Pepsi Blue is actually blue. I had not realized this, which is kind of sad, given that I have been drinking it at lunch for the past two weeks. I bought a twelve pack on sale a while ago, and it is alright, I suppose, though not really anything special, and mostly I think it's kind of silly how the soda companies can't stop coming up with new flavors and colors for their sodas to get people to buy them. Or, in the case of Pepsi Blue, both a new flavor and a new color. Blue soda. It's just so Star Wars.... +++++ The longer I wait after writing an entry, the more difficult it is to write the next one. When I have written something out and uploaded it, I have this great creative inertia going and it seems like it would be nothing to sit down and write another one right there. Sadly, due to the fact that there are only 24 hours in a day, and it is my custom to sleep for eight or so of them, this is usually not possible. So I wait, and the longer I wait, the harder it will be to make myself sit down and write again. Go figure. +++++ There is nothing to make you feel unjustly harassed and overworked like coming home after a rough day to find three cats all in various "flop" positions on the floor, looking as if they haven't moved all day and are quite content to keep at it. Add to the mixture a husband who is playing Super Mario Brothers on his computer via emulator and I think that anyone can be forgiven for needing a beer and a nap. It is also heart-warming to wake up to three cats, all of whom seem to have just realized that they completely adore you and can't wait to snuggle you and purr in your ear and sleep on your feet. However, this effect is shattered once you get out of bed and they all follow you crying into the kitchen where you discover that their food dish is empty. The moment the food dish is filled, they forget all about you and instead start squabbling over who gets to eat first. Ah, the joys of cat ownership. +++++ That's it for the short ones. Now for something that has been bothering me in the past day or two: The Captain is dating a girl he knows from his church and I haven't had a chance to really get to know her at all yet. Actually, I should say he is dating a woman, as she is in her early thirties. It makes me feel very young because normally, I don't really think about the years that the Captain has on me, but the fact that he is old enough to date someone who is thirty or over drives it home. I always tell the Captain that I have veto power over any of his girlfriends because he's Bill's best friend and so I will inevitably end up spending a good chunk of time in the company of whoever he decides to date seriously and/or marry. However, I hadn't planned on him actually dating anyone I don't like, so it was always mostly a joke. Now, though, it's not funny because I'm terrified that I won't like this new girl and that being around her will make me unable to control myself and I'll act all weird and embarrass the Captain and damage his chances with a girl he seems really interested in. All this is purely theoretical, of course. We've only met once, and we didn't really have a chance to talk at all, so I know next to nothing about her besides what the Captain says about her. I know I'm worrying about it too much, but I want desperately to like her, and from what I know of her we have nothing in common. Actually, I find her a bit intimidating. She's so much older than me for one thing, and she's really into her career and really professional. She seems to more or less tolerate all the sci-fi and animation stuff that the Captain likes, but from what he says, she's not terribly interested in any of it. So I'm not betting on her liking many of the same books or movies as me. Comic books, I feel sure without even having to ask, are out as a topic of discussion. I imagine she's pretty into music as she's the organist for the Captain's church choir, so maybe she and Bill will have something to talk about, but I couldn't have a conversation about music to save my life. Then there's the whole weird issue of me being best friend's with the Captain's ex-wife for so long. Granted, the Cowgirl and I have barely spoken two words together to each other in the year and a half that they have been divorced. In fact, she seems more friendly with the Captain than she does with me for some reason, but still. At some point, if this girl starts seriously dating the Captain, it's going to come to her attention that I was really close with his ex-wife and I wonder how she'll take that. I mean, that's got to be weird, right? Here I am all afraid that she'll intimidate me, and maybe I'll be the one who intimidates her on some weird level. I doubt it, she seems like a pretty self-assured person, but you never know right? I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable any more than I want to be uncomfortable around her. I always tell the Captain that he thinks too much about things and gets worried and upset before there's really even anything to worry about. It looks like I'm guilty of the same thing. Maybe we'll all go out some night and she'll be really nice and fun to talk to, and we'll find out that she loves Harry Potter and we'll all complain about the movies and Book 5, and end up forcing the Captain to read them and it will be great. And we'll shop and cook and hang out like the Cowgirl and I used to, only this girl won't have so many issues and problems to deal with, and we'll have a grand old time and be great pals. Or something along those lines. Or maybe Green Tea will suddenly age ten years for no apparent reason, and the Captain will just as suddenly stop listening to the worst of his weird and alarming music, and they'll get together and all my little social problems will be over as I won't have to worry over whether or not I'll like the people that both of them choose for themselves. Thankfully, the Captain does not read this. Green Tea is shaking her head at me as she reads this, but I think she understands, so that's okay. Must be off to the Ancestral Abode for dinner and beer, now. I have taken too long to write this thing as it is.
|
